


Liability

by screwedupheads



Series: Hard Times [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Guilt, Hearing Voices, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Im sorry this will be so angsty, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Post-Squip, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Repression, Suicidal Thoughts, by the squip, pretending to be fine, unintentional self-harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-11 14:17:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11716101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/screwedupheads/pseuds/screwedupheads
Summary: Some days, It would lighten up, giving him some sleep, giving him some space in his mind to breath without the constant snarl of a voice. Other days, It was harsher, belittling him as much as possible so that Jeremy would have to escape to the school bathroom before he broke down in class. On this particular day, It was the worst it had been all week. Jeremy had walked into school with his nails digging into his palms, found Michael  in the hall and smiled and nodded his way through a conversation with him.--Jeremy would do anything not to give his friends more pain than he had already given them, so instead of expressing his emotions, he hides them behind a fake smile. Anything it takes for him to be less of a liabilty to them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for: unintentional self harm, descriptions of depression, self-hatred.
> 
> Stay safe! Tell me if I missed anything.  
> Also, just as a warning, this is my first fic on this website and for Be More Chill.

Jeremy Heere was going to snap at any moment now. Hearing a voice whisper terrible things to him constantly and consistently tended to do that to a person. It had been a solid four months since The Play. It seemed and felt ridiculous to still be hearing It. Everyone else had moved on, they had their suffering and they moved past it, apologizing and healing what It had ruined, trying to fix what was broken. Jeremy was trying too but he felt like he shouldn't, he deserved his suffering, but no one else deserved theirs. So he did the best thing he could; he hid it. Let people try and continue being friends with him, he wouldn't stop them, but he wouldn't let them see that he was too damaged to believe that anyone want him. He wouldn't let them try to help him through this, he deserved this, he needed his punishment.

So he spent his days pretending like he could still sleep, still look in the mirror, still smile, still fidget and slouch and stutter and laugh and be himself. He mastered the art of pretending there wasn't that imaginary, so familiar voice stuck in his head since he woke up in the hospital. He pretended that It's name didn't send shocks down his spine and caused him to freeze up.

But there's only so much pretending one can do.

He was a hollow shell of a person, becoming a different person every time he went home. He barely ate, barely moved, kept his eyes trained on the only clean corner of his room. His dad had given up on threatening to remove his lock to stop him from holing himself up in there.  
The nights, when the world was asleep, the bit and pieces of Jeremy that were left stepped into the spotlight.

'You are nothing. You are worthless without me. Everything about you is so terrible, everything about you makes me wanna die' It chanted, and Jeremy, weak and tired after a day full of the same shit, would break down. He repeated the words it said, half out of instinct, half because he really believed them. He would clench his fists, digging his nails into his hands because pain helped distract him from it's voice. He'd go to school with crescent shaped marks in his palms and darker eyes.  
Some days, It would lighten up, giving him some sleep, giving him some space in his mind to breath without the constant snarl of a voice. Other days, It was harsher, belittling him as much as possible so that Jeremy would have to escape to the school bathroom before he broke down in class. On this particular day, It was the worst it had been all week. Jeremy had walked into school with his nails digging into his palms, found Michael in the hall and smiled and nodded his way through a conversation with him.   
Michael was laughing over something Rich did the day before, Jeremy giggling along with him. Michael looked so carefree and and happy and beautiful when he laughed, and Jeremy let himself stare in amazement for two seconds before It chimed into the conversation.   
'He'll never think of you the same way you think of him, you're pathetic, who could love you?' Jeremy had to shift his weight onto his other foot to hide his flinch. He dug his nails in harder.  
'He's better off without you, you just stress him out, he'd hate you if you told him something was wrong. You don't deserve someone like him. You deserve nothing, Jeremy. You are nothing-'  
Jeremy had drawn blood. Surprisingly, that had never happened before. It's voice stopped completely, along with the other voices that echoed in Jeremy's head, agreeing with It. That just left Michael's voice. Yet he still felt like he was going to break down, tears threatened to sneak out of his eyes.   
"-come over after school!" Michael said excitedly, apparently not noticing Jeremy's sudden change in demeanor.   
"I- uh- m-maybe. I- I gotta go, I'll be b-back," Jeremy said, cursing his stutter as he rushed away from Michael into the nearest bathroom. No one was in it, and Jeremy let himself break down, staring at the little bit of blood stained on his fingernails. The pain had made It stop for a short amount of time, almost like it was a punishment as bad as It's voice. No, he couldn't let this happen. It's not as easy to hide physical injury as it is to hide emotional.

\---

Michael wasn't dumb. He had known Jeremy long enough to see through the happy and carefree exterior he tried to put on. Even then, he still saw bits of Jeremy's resurfacing anxiety and whatever else was wrong shine through. The boy was tired, anyone could tell that much just by looking at Jeremy, maybe a slightly more observant eye would catch him getting skinnier. But it took someone like Michael to notice how his smile never met his eyes, how he never rambled like he used to, how he stuttered and slouched less, how if his hands weren't oddly still by his sides, they were clenched into fists. It wasn't natural, Jeremy wasn't Jeremy without his habits and smiles, nothing felt right between them anymore.   
After Jeremy got the squip out, he was a mess. He slept over at Michael's most nights after he got out of the hospital, he was plagued by nightmares every night, and during the day he was glued to Michael's side, as if making up for lost time. Michael wouldn't argue with that logic, especially when for a week he had Jeremy all to himself, but the boy had yet to apologize for his actions while he was squipped. Michael knew that Jeremy had already apologized to Michael in his head, and Michael had forgiven him, but he still needed to hear it out loud for closure purposes. Those thoughts distracted him enough that by the second week he hadn't noticed Jeremy slipping away again on his own accord, Michael thinking it was just the rift of awkward tension surfacing from the incident.   
He missed Jeremy, he frequently invited him to hang out but Jeremy usually made an excuse or just never showed up. It made Michael want to stop trying, but he couldn't. He couldn't lose Jeremy again.

Jeremy didn't show back up to school for the rest of the day since he left Michael in the hallway that morning. Jeremy had looked distressed, the first emotion that wasn't fake that he'd seen in a long time. His fists had been clenched to the point where his knuckles were white. Michael might've seen his eyes tear up a little too, and he was shocked to hear Jeremy's stutter at it's worst in that short phrase he said before practically sprinting away. Michael couldn't let him get away with this anymore.   
No more pretending that everything was fine. Michael would push away all his insecurities and focus on getting Jeremy admit he wasn't okay. No more ignoring the obvious.   
So instead of going to the cafeteria to eat lunch, Michael found himself in his car, heading to Jeremy's house for the first time in months.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Everything about you is so terrible'   
> It said, looking at him expectantly. Jeremy snapped out of his trance and his hands went back up to his arms.   
> "E-E-Everything ab-bout-"  
> 'All your stammering's a chore'  
> "Everything about me is so terrible" Jeremy said quietly.   
> 'You know the next part by heart, Jeremy,'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of squip and Jeremy dialogue in this so here's me telling you that when the squip speaks in is in ' ' those instead of normal quotation marks.
> 
> Trigger warning: Depression, anxiety, unintentional self harm, suicidal thoughts, mentions of electrocution, tell me if there's anything i missed!

Michael was on Jeremy's street when he came to the realization that he probably should pick up some mountain dew red from his house. He was hesitant to make the detour, but it was better than showing up empty handed to something most likely squip related.  
But in his mind he knew it was just an excuse to stall this.  
Michael couldn't help but doubt himself. Maybe he wouldn't be helping Jeremy. Maybe Jeremy was fine. Maybe Jeremy is just sick of Michael. Michael went into his house and grabbed a bottle of Mountain Dew Red from his stash and went back to his car. But what if Jeremy was trying to avoid him? What if he just made it worse?   
But wait, no. Michael quickly refreshed himself of the past few months and that morning. Jeremy's dark circles and the tears welling in his eyes with his trembling lip from that morning. The mental image scratched away any doubts and anxiety Michael had and made him race to Jeremy's house. He needed him. He needed help.

\--

This was the first time Jeremy had really thought about it. Well, of course he had thought of it, but he had never truly looked at what he had done and truly assessed it.   
He practically zombified the school. So many parents could've lost their children because of him. He abandoned Michael, he chose to abandon Michael, and for what? A girl? A girl that never cared for him anyways? He was a horrible person. He didn't deserve anything good anyone does for him. He didn't deserve his dad trying again. He didn't deserve for Michael to be so forgiving. He deserve anyone's forgiveness. He didn't deserve- 'to live.'  
It was back. It had been gone since that morning. It had been maybe a couple hours since then, he had been sitting in his room in the dark thinking over things since he had ran home.   
'Are you listening Jeremy?'Jeremy didn't want to respond. He hadn't responded to it since he heard it again at the hospital.   
'Answer me Jeremy' Jeremy felt his fists automatically clench.   
'Repeat after me, Jeremy. Everything about me is so terrible.' It said. Jeremy felt his eyes fill with tears.   
'JEREMY' It said, garbled.  
'YOU CAN'T JUST LISTEN, YOU HAVE TO OBEY,' and suddenly, It was there in front of him. The cold eyes staring into his made him want to squeeze his eyes shut, but he couldn't. He couldn't take his eyes off of it. The Squip. The thing he had basically brought to life. The torture he had put on himself. And he knew it wasn't real, he knew what it felt like when it was real, that didn't stop him from being terrified, though.   
'Jeremy' it tried again. Jeremy simply caved in on himself more, not noticing how his nails were dragging up and down his arms. 

'We both know what happens when you don't listen' the squip said with the most evil smirk, the only smirk Jeremy had been thinking of for months. With that sentence, Jeremy snapped up, back and head slamming against the wall, hands jolting to his sides, all motion seeming to stop in him, he could practically feel the electricity on his spine and wrists again. The pain from his head and back hitting the didnt make the squip go away though, it just made it's form glitch. 

'Everything about you is so terrible'   
It said, looking at him expectantly. Jeremy snapped out of his trance and his hands went back up to his arms.   
"E-E-Everything ab-bout-"  
'All your stammering's a chore'  
"Everything about me is so terrible" Jeremy said quietly.   
'You know the next part by heart, Jeremy,'

"E-Everything about me makes me want to die,"

'you deserve to die'   
"I-"

'Jeremy, you destroyed your friends, you do nothing but worry them, you're practically dead already with how you live, and you're getting bad at pretending' It said, like it was a common known fact. 

'You'd be more helpful to everyone if you were dead, you're dad would be able to do what he wants, Michael could move on, everyone else could forget about what happened to them. You're just a reminder of everyone's mistakes, it's so selfish of you to keep living' It said, cold gaze harder than it was before.  
"Y-you're right," The squip post a cold, cold hand on his knee.   
'I always am,'

"I deserve to die. I deserve to die. I should die I should die IShouldDieishoulddieishoulddie-" Jeremy disappeared into a fit of sobs and watched the squip stand and take a step back. 

'Then do something about it' 

\--

 

Michael had knocked four separate times and rung the doorbell twice in between each series of knocks. 

But he had to admit that half of the time he was standing here was spent wondering if he should still do this. It took intense paranoia for Jeremy being completely alone for him to finally knock the first time. Now, he was about ready to either kick the door down or walk away. 

He went for the safer version of the first option. He slowly reached for the doorknob to check if it was locked, and it wasn't. Michael walked into Jeremy's dark house, flipping on the first lightswitch he saw. The house so far looked the same but cleaner and more put together, and if it wasn't for the converse by the door Michael wouldn't assumed Jeremy didnt live there anymore. The house was strangely silent, he wondered if Jeremy was even home. Converse, right.   
Michael cupped his hands over his mouth and yelled "Jeremy, are you home?" when he heard nothing he yelled it louder. "JEREMY!" To that noise Michael heard something hit the ground from somewhere upstairs, followed by the patter of other things falling after i and then soft footsteps.   
"M-M-Michael?" Jeremy said, sounding genuinely confused. He stood at the top of stairs, only visible because of the lights Michael had turned on. He slowly walked down the stairs, stepping into the light until he was a couple feet away from Michael. He looked worse than this morning. 

He was paler, if that was possible, his dark circles looked like bruises and his eyes were red and puffy. His lips were raw from his habit of biting them. His sharp cheekbones, the way his shirt hung loosely off of him, the hollow look in his eyes all made him look more and more like a corpse. Michael couldn't tell what the worst part of his appearance until his eyes traveled to Jeremy's shaking hands. His fingernails were stained with blood, and his arms were a flushed red from scratching too much, blood dotting up in multiple places on his arms as well.  
Michael didn't remember Jeremy having this habit. 

"What are you doing here?" Jeremy said, his voice empty. Michael was pulled out of his trance.   
"I'm here to help" Michael answered, a new confidence in his voice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE SUPPORT!! This is the most support my writing has ever gotten and I appreciate it so much and it's really inspiring me to get back into writing in the same way I used to be. I cannot thank you enough!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm- it's fine. I'll be fine," Jeremy said, dismissing the issue by halfway admitting to it. He turned to go back up the stairs, hand on the railing. Michal deflated.  
> 'Leaving him again?' It laughed. His hand tightened on the railing.  
> "But I could definitely use something take my mind off of things. How about it, player 1?" Jeremy said, allowing a smile to fall over his face. Michael still looked concerned, but he let the same smile as Jeremy has to pass over him and followed Jeremy up the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may not be able to update much this week, so here's what I have for you right now. Sorry for any mistakes, this is unedited.
> 
> Trigger warnings: Suicidal thoughts, pills, blood, unintentional self harm, panic attacks, self hatred, vomiting. Tell me what I missed

"I'm here to help," Michael answered, a new confidence in his voice. 

"I'm fine," Jeremy said, making eye contact with Michael and standing his ground, that didn't hide the waver in his voice.  
'He doesn't care,' It whispered. 

"Jere..." Michael said, face full of worry and sadness. "I know you aren't,"  
Fuck.  
'You can't even pretend? You can't even let your friends have nothing to worry about for a little while? Pathetic.' It snarled.  
'Keep lying, distract him with something so he'll leave us alone' It said, switching its tone back to calm.  
"I'm- it's fine. I'll be fine," Jeremy said, dismissing the issue by halfway admitting to it. He turned to go back up the stairs, hand on the railing. Michal deflated.  
'Leaving him again?' It laughed. His hand tightened on the railing.  
"But I could definitely use something take my mind off of things. How about it, player 1?" Jeremy said, allowing a smile to fall over his face. Michael still looked concerned, but he let the same smile as Jeremy has to pass over him and followed Jeremy up the stairs. 

Before they knew it, they were almost normal again, playing video games and yelling through piles of junk food and comfortable silence. He missed this.  
'You don't deserve this,' Jeremy ignored the comment like he did at school.

\--

Michael didn't want the moment to end or even be interrupted for the slightest amount of time. He had been at Jeremy's house for around an hour and a half, and it was just like it used to be. They seemed to fall back into their routine easily, like nothing was wrong.He was afraid of doing something to ruin it.  
But when Michael even feels the slightest urge to pee, he had better get it done quickly before things went wrong like they did at his little 6th grade dance. 

"I'll be back," he says after pausing the game and standing up and stretching. He was already down the hall when Jeremy asked "Where ya goin?"  
"Bathroom," Michael said approaching said room. He heard a thump from the other room and Jeremy's too quiet footsteps heading towards him. The door was already open when he felt Jeremy behind him. He felt his eyes widen in horror at the mess in this small room. 

He couldn't tell which part was more concerning.  
The mirror on the wall was shattered, most of it now on the ground. Covering some pieces were small amounts of blood. There were also pills all over the floor, with an empty container and the ground as well, more containers lined up in the sink.  
"Jeremy, what did you do?!" Michael almost yelled. He whirled around to face Jeremy, whose face was white with fear, his body beginning to tremble and his lips trying to form words that wouldn't come out, and Michael was horrified to see Jeremy slowly start scratching his already scratched up arms.

\--

'LOOK WHAT YOU DID' It yelled, not referencing the mess, but Michael instead, who had gone pale with tears already rolling down his cheeks. He was saying something Jeremy couldn't hear over the rush in his ears. 

'He hates you. Look what you did. You're so terrible. You're so dumb. So pathetic. So worthless,' It chanted. Every word was like a punch to the stomach. Michael's hands were on his shoulders, his beautiful brown eyes were trying to look into Jeremy's but Jeremy just couldn't.  
His breathing was quick and he was caught between wanting to wrap himself in Michael's arms, or push him far away. All he could hear was his quickening heartbeat and It in his head.  
'Worthless. You were supposed to die and here you are blubbering like a baby over trying to something good for once,' Jeremy's eyes fell to the pills, he finally felt the tears on his cheeks, Michael was blocking the doorway to the bathroom.  
'You should've obeyed. You didn't obey. You know what's next.'  
Jeremy let out a loud sob as he felt the ghost of electricity shoot through his spine and wrists and countless memories popped up in his head. His back flew straight and his hands flew to his sides, his tears stopped. The electricity hurts, the memories hurts, the look Michael gave him just now hurts. The Squip, thesquipthesquipthesquip. Jeremy felt sick. He was dizzy from pain and voices and memories.  
"Make it stop," he croaked out, a sob escaping once more.  
'It'll never stop. I'll be here forever, Jeremiah Heere.' That's it. Breaking point.  
Jeremy shoved past Michael and fell to the ground, glass cutting into him, and retched into the toilet bowl. He felt a hand on his back as he coughed and sobbed into the toilet, already having vomited all the junk food from earlier back up.  
'Pitiful,' Jeremy flinched.  
'Michael only pities you, he doesn't actually care, who would? Your dad? Rich? Christine? Jake, Brooke, Chloe, Jenna? They probably WANT you to swallow a handful of pills. No one wants you around.' Jeremy wanted to argue.  
"That's n-not-"  
'And what about your mother?' Jeremy choked on his words, lifting his head.  
'She left because you were too much to deal with.' It laughed. 'I guess you've always been this way. Nothing more than a liability-'

"SHUT UP!" Jeremy yelled, his tears starting again. with that he picked up a large piece of glass from the and threw it to wear the squip was. It was gone by the time the glass hit the wall behind him.

\--

Michael watched as pieces of glass hit the floor behind him. He turned back to look at Jeremy and he was frozen, staring down at his now bleeding hand.

"Jere, hey, can you hear me now?" Michael said gently, letting a hand brush his shoulder lightly. Jeremy had been in a really bad panic attack since he followed Michael to the bathroom and he hadn't been able to hear Michael trying to help. 

Now he looked up at Michael, cradling his injured hand and gave him a slight nod before squeezing his eyes shut and slowly breathing in and out as an attempt to calm down. 

"Let's get you cleaned up, buddy," Michael said, gently leading Jeremy to the sink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> instagram: stepping.into.the.sun


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael couldn't help but think of the times when they were children and Michael would constantly be providing and applying bandaids to Jeremy, considering how clumsy he was and still is. Each time the bandaids would have a different character from a cartoon or video game or comic book. but these bandages didn't have pac man on them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unedited
> 
> trigger warnings: Unintentional self harm, self hatred. Tell me what I missed.

Jeremy was sitting on the toilet, practically collapsing as Michael bandaged his hand. The cut was almost bad enough to need stitches, Jeremy must've had a tight grip on the glass before he threw it. Michael couldn't help but think of the times when they were children and Michael would constantly be providing and applying bandaids to Jeremy, considering how clumsy he was and still is. Each time the bandaids would have a different character from a cartoon or video game or comic book. but these bandages didn't have pac man on them.  
Michael finished and stood up from the spot where he was kneeling. He desperately needed to talk to him about what had just happened, but with one look at the boy's half lidded eyes, Michael decided it was best for him to take a nap. 

"We're done, buddy," Michael said, gently pulling Jeremy up by his other hand. Jeremy groaned and fell into Michael, then tightly wrapped his arms around him. Michael gave a light chuckle, expecting Jeremy to pull away, but he didn't.  
Michael returned the hug, a warm fluttery feeling awakening in his stomach. This was good, he missed this. They stood there for a few minutes, leaving Michael to wonder if Jeremy had managed to fall asleep while standing, before his thoughts were proven wrong by Jeremy talking.

"I'm sorry," Jeremy said, and Michael almost couldn't hear his quiet voice. 

"I shouldn't have- I- you- you shouldn't have had to do this," he said, stuttering and hesitating his way through the sentence.

 

\--

Michael was too kind.   
"Jere, it's okay. You need to sleep, we can talk when you wake up,"  
But Michael didn't understand. 

"N-no!" Jeremy said, pushing away from Michael, "I'm sorry, I just- I have to do this now before..." Before? Before what? Before It comes back? Before Michael inevitably gets tired of him?

"...Before I let myself shut everyone out again, I can't let myself keep doing that to people- and you, especially you," Jeremy said, voice wavering.   
"Okay, but me at least clean this up for you first," Michael said. He shouldn't have to do that. He shouldn't have let him see, he shouldn't have let him in, he shouldn't listened to It he shouldn't have punched the mirror because of someone in his head he shouldn't have dropped the pill bottle and then Michael wouldn't be standing there offering to clean up his pathetic attempt at his own life like Jeremy had done nothing wrong to hurt him. 

Michael lead him to his room and handed him his headphones and ipod. Jeremy looked up at him in confusion and Michael put the headphones on Jeremy for him, and then pressed play, a song Jeremy only kinda recognized began to thrum in his ears. 

Michael said something Jeremy couldn't hear before leaving the room. 

The song passed before an extremely familiar song played in his ears. The moment the song hit the chorus Jeremy found himself with tears in his eyes and it was just some old song by The Killers why was he crying? But he knew exactly why. 

// His parents had been fighting back and forth for hours and Jeremy couldn't take in anymore. He was on the verge of a panic attack when he decided he needed to get out. So he called Michael. And even though it was almost midnight, Michael answered. Jeremy could barely say anything without being interrupted by his own loud sob.   
"I'll be right there," Michael said, voice firm and soothing. Jeremy escaped his room through his window and practically dove into Michael's car when he saw it coming. Michael had smiled at him softly before turning on this song.   
They were alone on the highway when the song slowed to a simple beat followed by the words "I've got soul but I'm not a soldier" and Jeremy found himself crying because Michael was here and Michael would always be here and everything would be okay when he had Michael.   
"You're my favorite person," Jeremy had said, smiling at Michael's face, which was glowing from the lights around them. Michael's smile grew wide.//

That was the night his mother left. That was two years before It happened.   
He was right, everything would be okay if he had Michael, and he had pushed Michael away and out of his life. And things weren't okay for him or Michael.  
He had fucked things up so badly why why why did he do that? 

Jeremy hated that he was sobbing again when Michael walked back in. Michael was wrapped around him in an instant.   
"Hey, you're okay," Michael said softly. He was so warm and kind, too kind, and Jeremy sobbed harder because he didn't deserve this.   
"I'm s-so sorry," Jeremy said, into Michael's sweatshirt, "I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'msosorry."   
Michael traced patterns into his back.  
"It's okay. You have nothing to be sorry for," he said and it was a fucking lie. Jeremy instantly pulled out of the hug.  
"Nothing's okay! I left you! I fucking left you and abandoned you and I fucked up so badly!" Jeremy said, fists clenching before he remembered the cut on his hand and winced. Michael seemed freeze at his words. Jeremy continued. 

"I fucking zombified the school! People were hurt! I did all this fucked up shit to everyone and the last thing I deserve is forgiveness but everyone is so ready to forgive me and I don't get it!" Jeremy sputtered angrily. Michael looked like he wanted to say something but Jeremy cut him off with more ranting.   
"I can't just go and accept forgiveness that I will never deserve and I don't understand why anyone even likes me at this point because everything about me so awful and worthless and selfish and terrible," Jeremy said pathetically, "I'm so fucking terrible Michael"  
He could almost feel It nodding in agreement as It's presence in Jeremy's mind became clear again. Jeremy knew he had visibly tensed up at the reappearance. 

 

\--

 

Michael's heart broke for the second time that day at the way Jeremy sobbed and yelled and deflated. This breakdown was clearly a long time in the making.

"Jere... None of that is true," Michael said, trying to contrast the hatred and anger in Jeremy's voice, "Why on Earth would it be?" 

"Because...b-because," Jeremy said, the sad waver back in his voice and Michael just barely caught Jeremy's eyes flick to an empty corner of his room before catching Michael's again. Oh. Michael understood now, but he wished he didn't. Jeremy squeezed his eyes shut and ducked his head down because he knew he'd been caught. Michael should've guessed by Jeremy screaming at nothing in the bathroom, but he didn't want to believe it. 

"How long have you been hearing it?" Michael said, taking Jeremy's hands. Jeremy looked like the guiltiest person in the world.

"S-since the hospital," he said in barely a whisper.

"Why wouldn't you say anything!?" Michael exclaimed, worry leaking into his voice.   
"I didn't- I don't want anyone worrying about me. It said I deserve to be p-unished," Jeremy said, suddenly straightening up completely at his stutter. 

"That's bullshit!" Michael said, suddenly angry. He paused to calm down.  
"No, It's right, this is what I get for doing what I did," Jeremy let out a chuckle with no humor. He looked like he was trying to close up and shut Michael out again. 

"Jeremy, the only thing you deserve is happiness. Stop with this crap about what you think you deserve because you don't need to deserve to be cared for. I'm here and I will always be here whether you think you deserve it or not. No matter what," Michael said.   
This time it was Jeremy that wrapped himself around Michael. The two stayed like that for a while before Michael remembered what was in his bag.   
"Hang on," he said, reaching to his bag with a grunt. Jeremy let go, looking up and looking confused. Confusion turned to shock with a hint of happy when Michael pulled out a bottle of Mountain Dew Red.  
"This might help?" he said with a smile, handing the bottle the Jeremy.   
Jeremy gratefully took the bottle and took a long sip. He instantly relaxed after swallowing it.   
"Thank you," Jeremy said.   
"Anytime. How about that nap now?" Michael said, cheer in his voice at seeing his best friend relaxed again. 

"Oh, I- uh- haven't really been able to sleep lately-" Jeremy said, looking down and fiddling with his fingers. 

"Well this time, you will," Michael said, "y'know why?" 

"Why?"

"Because I'm here,"

**Author's Note:**

> Quick explanation: Jeremy refers to the squip as It because he has a hard time coming to terms with the full extent his guilt and that it's an actual thing that he'll have to deal with outside of his head at some point. He does and will do the same sort of thing when referring to more things the squip had to with, like when he says The Play, with capital letters, it's because he doesn't want to elaborate on the events of it.  
> I do this all the time when I talk about my own issues so this was kinda me projecting.


End file.
